i have this idea for a new reality tv show. my own reality tv show. and it’ll be much more real than the realest real because, well, it’s real. we’ve already shot the pilot and have the first few shows in the can. based on intial audience response, it’s sure to be a big hit.
of course, everyone loves babies, so the show starts when one of us gets pregnant. just to keep things edgy we’ll thumb our nose at traditional medicine and have an in-home birth with a midwife. surely that’ll keep the viewers coming back for more. a subplot develops where kris and i sell our house the “for sale by owner way”. it has all the ups and downs associated with getting ready to sell your house, complete with tight close ups of me scowling as i wish that i had pitched this segment of my reality show as more of a “while you were out” type of thing. coyly, kris and keep where we’re moving
eventually we let the audience in on the big surprise as they discover that we purchased a “4-flat” in the historic district. it’s a huge old victorian built in 1890 that promises to hold many surprises. not only will becoming landlords offer many suspenseful subplots, but to keep the ratings going through the roof, the audience discovers that we co-purchased the house with our sister-in-law and her lesbian partner. that’s right – we’re moving in with a pregnant lesbian couple who already have a two year old and are expecting another baby within days our own! and they’re having it at home too! sweet holy ol’ hannah you can imagine the eyeballs we’ll get on that episode. two births! at home! will it be on exactly the same day? you really can’t make this kind of stuff up. you’ll only see it on the snowdeal show ®. think of it as a “the brady bunch” meets “three’s company” meets “friends” with just a touch of “the ‘L’ word”. in one amusing subplot in the first episode, we fret about the malamute escaping from the house and running up and down the busy street, not knowing that he no longer lives on a quiet cul de sac. of course, he escapes multiple times and hilarity ensues as we chase him up and down the block trying to keep cars from hitting the blissfully unaware malamute. in another long running plot, i wonder what i’m going to do with the galaxie 500, as there’s no room to park it in the back of building.
so stay tuned to the snowdeal show ® and watch as we discover how the tenants adjust to living with two new owners in the building, with four dogs, a baby, and two increasingly pregnant woman. how will i adjust to heretofore unknown levels of estrogen flowing through the house? will i go insane? will i be reduced to working on the galaxie 500 at 3 in the morning much to the anoyance of my neighbors? even i don’t know for sure.