as i stood teetering on top of a radiator i pushed against the lilipution-sized attic opening, sending a torrent of ancient detritus into my eyes, i wondered if this was the part of the movie where the audience, sitting on the edge of their chairs, yelled “DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR!” right before thousands of bats exact their revenge on the unsuspecting invader.

i mean, if starlings can almost take down a tree what’s to stop a bevy of bats from felling someone who just happens to be dumb enough to precariously position himself on the edge of a heater while trying to operate a flashlight and a camera?

no, really, i’m not trying to get myself a darwin award, i just didn’t want to go by a ladder. which, i guess in retrospect, is the kind of reasoning that ends up getting one just such an award.