i went to our local lasik chop shop to see if i’d qualify for the surgery before the new year. the mothership is changing its reimbursement policy after december 31st, so it’s in my best interest to have the procedure done soon. naturally, i’ve waited until the last possible minute and had to go in today for a preliminary in order to ensure that i could get penciled in for the surgery on dec 30th.

i think the testing lady was under the impression that i was more informed about what was going on, because she didn’t do much explaining and before i knew it, my eyes were numbed and dilated. the dilation process started off slow so i didn’t think it was going to be a big deal, but i knew things were going to change when the woman told be that i should quickly read and sign the long list of potential side effects and complications before i lost the ability to read the page. she then casually says that if i didn’t bring any sunglasses, things will probably be pretty bright when i go outside. of course, i don’t have any sunglasses and at this point, i’m thinking it might have been a good idea to have kris drive me to the appointment.

i convince myself that it can’t be that bad. that probably people all over the country are leaving lasik exam appointments with dilated, numbed eyes right this moment and getting home just fine. and hey, it’s not really that far back to house. if i stay off the highway, everything will be smooth.

i step outside into the brightest of bright sunshine, as i actually cower a little and try to block the sun, which is impossibly bright and coming in from all directions. as i open the car door, which forces me to stop blocking the sun from my eyes, i realize that driving is going to require having at least on hand on the wheel. i briefly contemplate driving home with my knees. i try to imagine explaining to kris how i crashed the car while covering my eyes and driving with my knees and eventually come to the conclusion that it’s probably not one of my best ideas.

instead, i do a combination of squinting and brow-furrowing, while shading my eyes with one hand. i lean in a far-forward position, which should be familar to anyone who has seen their grandmother drive. i imagine that i’m doing a good job as i squint at the dashboard which isn’t coming into focus, while trying to figure out how fast i’m going.

a chorus of car horns and passing vehicles indicate that it’s going to be a long drive home.