New York Magazine The New Monogamy

"For much of human history, monogamy (or, at least, presumed monogamy) has been the default setting for long-term love. Hack the system, goes the theory, refuse to forsake all others, open the door even a crack—and the whole relationship will crash. Any dissenters have been pathologized as delusional idealists or worse. But now a new generation of couples is employing a kind of homeopathic hypothesis: that a tiny injection of adventure will ward off the urge to stray further—as long as it’s all on the table and up for discussion. (And just as with homeopathy, a healthy percentage of the population considers this premise bunk.)"

"For years, we have said—to each other, to our boyfriends, to people writing in to our advice column—that monogamy is a choice, and if you expect it to come naturally, then your relationship (or your shot at one) is doomed. In other words, don’t take monogamy for granted; take the urge to stray for granted. But then again, our underlying assumption was that of course you’d choose monogamy, because what other choice was there?"

redux [09.29.05]
BBC News Marriage rates continue to slide

"Marriage rates look set to continue their decline as more people opt to live together rather than tie the knot, statisticians have predicted."

"The proportion of men aged 45 to 54 who have never married is predicted to rise from 14% in 2003 to 40% by 2031, with women in the same situation increasing from 9% to 35%."

USA Today Census: More Americans living alone

"For all its crowds, Manhattan may also be the country's loneliest metropolis. It has the highest percentage of single-person households of any county in the nation, according to the U.S. Census Bureau."

"And overall, the report said, the number of Americans living alone has exceeded the number of households comprised of the classic nuclear family: a married couple and their natural children.

Thomas Coleman, executive director of Unmarried America, an association that promotes the political interests of single people, credits part of the shift to changing social norms."

Eye on Unmarried America Unmarried households becoming the "new majority"

"The United States Census Bureau released data today which shows a continuing decline in married-couple households and a corresponding increase in the percent of households headed by unmarried adults. If the trend continues, within the next year or two unmarried adults will become the "new majority" in terms of America's living arrangements."

"Public officials and government agencies have begun to pay more attention to unmarried and single Americans in recent years."

MLive.Com Judge rules gay couples can receive health insurance

"Public universities and governments can provide health insurance to the partners of gay employees without violating the Michigan constitution, a judge ruled Tuesday."

""Health care benefits are not among the statutory rights or benefits of marriage," she wrote, arguing that health insurance coverage is not limited to those who are married. "Health care benefits for a spouse are benefits of employment, not benefits of marriage.""

Reason Magazine What Marriage Means

"The love marriage, in which people more or less freely chose partners on the basis of mutual affection, was really an 18th century invention, Coontz argues. As late as the mid-19th century, French wags were still bemused at the new fashion of "marriage by fascination." Among some opponents of gay marriage, of course, this is seen as the central problem: the idea that marriage is centrally about uniting a loving couple, from which the notion that it ought to be equally available to gay couples follows. Conservatives, though, sometimes talk as though this is an innovation of last Tuesday's vintage, rather than a transformation that's been ongoing for centuries. As Coontz notes, during the 1950s, conservatives' golden age of marriage, it was precisely this prospect of finding personal fulfillment through marriage to one's soul mate that led to the valorization of married life and its central place in the social imagination.

What emerges above all from Coontz's account is the realization that marriage has no "essence." There is no one function or purpose it serves in every time and place—and indeed, for each function marriage does serve, there is a time and place where some other institution primarily did that work. "

in character The Ties That Do Not Bind: The Decline of Marriage and Loyalty

"But talking about marriage is essential to the future of our society. Marriage shapes our commitments and builds our character. No one is quite certain what will restore marriage to its once privileged position, but many private groups and some state governments are trying to find out. Our task ought to be to encourage and to evaluate these efforts.

If we are successful in revitalizing marriage, we shall have dramatically improved loyalty and the benefits that flow from this commitment. Marriage, it is true, is a lasting restriction on human freedom; indeed, some young people resist marriage because by accepting it they lose some of their freedom. But every human freedom has its limits: we cannot falsely shout “fire” in a crowded theater nor knowingly print libelous stories about another person. In every aspect of our lives we accept limits to freedom, but in the case of the limits set by marriage we gain a great deal in return: longer, healthier lives; better sex; and decent children. Loyalty to spouse and children and relatives enhances our capacity to enjoy the freedom we have."